So I realized today that it has been about a month since I blogged. I thought about closing down the blog, but then I thought about how many people I have met, prayed for, sewn into their adoptions....etc. etc. and I just can't bring myself to do it. Blogland friends have become a part of me. I have several things rattling around in my brain so I'll try to do my best to blog more often.
Last Tuesday, Justus started swim lessons at the YMCA. I knew from the first time we went swimming he would need lessons. He has NO FEAR of the water...not shallow...not deep. This is a little frightening for this mama who once upon a time...my 12 year old was 4 and would squeeze me purple scared to death of the water (never had a traumatic experience and we had done mom and me lessons since he was a baby) and then my 10 year old....I think she was part guppy. I seriously don't remember her not swimming. So, our 3rd outing in water, I decided not to put swim floaties on Justus and he disobeyed and went a little too deep in the graduated pool at the ole YMCA....I let him go under briefly before swooping him up and reminding him that we need to obey and that he can't swim yet. I am thankful that he LOVES the water and is not fearful, but I think there's two things every healthy-abled body should learn to do besides read and that is ride a bike without training wheels and swim.
So, I signed him up. We went several more times and I must admit I have to watch him like a hawk..He'll go under and go too deep in nothing flat. I've worked with him on stroking, holding his breath, turning back to the wall when he jumps in etc. etc....Last Tuesday was the day. The swim coaches had them all try a few skills and divided the 13 preschoolers into 3 groups. Somehow Justus got into the middle group. (I guess b/c he was not scared and looked like he knew what he was doing. He also got the most strict teacher there is....My guesstimate is that she is probably young 20s and very little experience with very active children.
Have a mentioned that Justus has a LOT of energy? When I say he is ALL B-O-Y, I mean he is all boy. He is non-stop, loving, determined, energetic, joyful...I struggle with just allowing him to join a new activity with no preconceived notions from the teachers OR letting them know he's adopted (if they can't tell) yadda yadda yadda...So, this time I opted for letting him be like any other child. I guess that didn't work out. They splashed by playing red light, green light. While his english is pretty good now, he has no idea how to play that game so that comes across as disobedient. At the conclusion of the lesson, his teacher said, "He needs to calm down". REALLY?!? I watched the whole lesson and thought he did really well considering he's been here 4 1/2 months, has never been in a large body of water until a month and a half ago and I could go on. To me....If a kid is not deliberately disobeying or hurting someone, then they're doing alright and I can handle it, you know?
Alright, so I gave her the whole adoption speech. (He's only been here 4 months. He might not understand what you are asking, etc)
I wish I had a tshirt that says.....My mommy and daddy just adopted me. I am adjusting well to my life in the United States. This is my 3rd language, but I'm getting it down and I really do want to understand what you are asking me to do. I have a lot of energy but I am determined and want to try to master the skills you are going to teach me. Sometimes that comes across that I am anxious, rambunctious, or "trying too hard". Please be patient with me. Every new place I go has a different set of rules. Every game is new. I watch others and imitate. Sometimes if they do what you think is "inappropriate" I will do that too b/c I don't know that. Structured group setting are new for me. Please model specifically what the desired behavior is. I need limits and boundaries. I am a really neat kid and am very loving if you get to know me. I am made in the image of God.
Well, we went back Thursday and she told me it was a little better. I offered to sit close or leave the area to see if that helped. She left it up to me....I tried both ways and don't really notice a difference in her reaction. He's oblivious I think....b/c he LOVES the water and he's doing what she says just not necessarily how she wants it done. For instance...she wants them to stroke slowly and his arms are moving as fast as the roadrunners legs. Honestly, it's been a frustrating experience (with the coach). I watch him and I don't see what she's talking about....for goodness sakes, if he's disobedient, have him sit out a round and he'll get the idea.
We have three more lessons. Please pray for his swim coach's heart to soften. A smile goes a long way. I was going to sign him up for another round but I'm glad I didn't. Trevis and I will just teach him after this is over.
There are days we are at the pool and he tries over and over and over, but his legs are moving like he's riding a bicycle which is pulling him down. He is convinced if he does it "one more time" he'll get it, but I have to take him to the shallow end for a breather (for me).
On a side note, I had to put him in childcare at church this morning for an awesome Beth Moore study. I normally go at night where Trevis can watch the kids, but last night wasn't an option....so I put him in today. I explained to him mommy would be back etc. and he started playing happily. The supervisor told me when I picked him up that he was hitting some kids on the head with pom poms so he had to have a talk with her. Ok...had to do the old adoption speech again letting her know that he needs firm boundaries etc.
So....my question is for all you adoptive mamas.....How did you deal with discipline in a group setting with your 3, 4, 5 year old children who were adopted? We discipline and have consequences at home and aren't seeing a whole lot of that behavior (but we are firm) but when he's around similar age children in a group setting with little structure, it is easy for me to see him displaying these behaviors.
In the meanwhile, we talk about it and move on....b/c ultimately....none of these things are harmful. I am thankful God allowed me to go through all the CRAZY behaviors with Spencer when he was little so I can let it go in one ear and out the other now (although I do still stop and process it before it goes out the ear). I do not want to make excuses for any of my kids but ultimately we are all imperfect people. We all make poor choices from time to time and we need guidance to stay on track.....
Until the next lesson...
Blessings and Much Love,
Melanie
Last Tuesday, Justus started swim lessons at the YMCA. I knew from the first time we went swimming he would need lessons. He has NO FEAR of the water...not shallow...not deep. This is a little frightening for this mama who once upon a time...my 12 year old was 4 and would squeeze me purple scared to death of the water (never had a traumatic experience and we had done mom and me lessons since he was a baby) and then my 10 year old....I think she was part guppy. I seriously don't remember her not swimming. So, our 3rd outing in water, I decided not to put swim floaties on Justus and he disobeyed and went a little too deep in the graduated pool at the ole YMCA....I let him go under briefly before swooping him up and reminding him that we need to obey and that he can't swim yet. I am thankful that he LOVES the water and is not fearful, but I think there's two things every healthy-abled body should learn to do besides read and that is ride a bike without training wheels and swim.
So, I signed him up. We went several more times and I must admit I have to watch him like a hawk..He'll go under and go too deep in nothing flat. I've worked with him on stroking, holding his breath, turning back to the wall when he jumps in etc. etc....Last Tuesday was the day. The swim coaches had them all try a few skills and divided the 13 preschoolers into 3 groups. Somehow Justus got into the middle group. (I guess b/c he was not scared and looked like he knew what he was doing. He also got the most strict teacher there is....My guesstimate is that she is probably young 20s and very little experience with very active children.
Have a mentioned that Justus has a LOT of energy? When I say he is ALL B-O-Y, I mean he is all boy. He is non-stop, loving, determined, energetic, joyful...I struggle with just allowing him to join a new activity with no preconceived notions from the teachers OR letting them know he's adopted (if they can't tell
Alright, so I gave her the whole adoption speech. (He's only been here 4 months. He might not understand what you are asking, etc)
I wish I had a tshirt that says.....My mommy and daddy just adopted me. I am adjusting well to my life in the United States. This is my 3rd language, but I'm getting it down and I really do want to understand what you are asking me to do. I have a lot of energy but I am determined and want to try to master the skills you are going to teach me. Sometimes that comes across that I am anxious, rambunctious, or "trying too hard". Please be patient with me. Every new place I go has a different set of rules. Every game is new. I watch others and imitate. Sometimes if they do what you think is "inappropriate" I will do that too b/c I don't know that. Structured group setting are new for me. Please model specifically what the desired behavior is. I need limits and boundaries. I am a really neat kid and am very loving if you get to know me. I am made in the image of God.
Well, we went back Thursday and she told me it was a little better. I offered to sit close or leave the area to see if that helped. She left it up to me....I tried both ways and don't really notice a difference in her reaction. He's oblivious I think....b/c he LOVES the water and he's doing what she says just not necessarily how she wants it done. For instance...she wants them to stroke slowly and his arms are moving as fast as the roadrunners legs. Honestly, it's been a frustrating experience (with the coach). I watch him and I don't see what she's talking about....for goodness sakes, if he's disobedient, have him sit out a round and he'll get the idea.
We have three more lessons. Please pray for his swim coach's heart to soften. A smile goes a long way. I was going to sign him up for another round but I'm glad I didn't. Trevis and I will just teach him after this is over.
There are days we are at the pool and he tries over and over and over, but his legs are moving like he's riding a bicycle which is pulling him down. He is convinced if he does it "one more time" he'll get it, but I have to take him to the shallow end for a breather (for me).
On a side note, I had to put him in childcare at church this morning for an awesome Beth Moore study. I normally go at night where Trevis can watch the kids, but last night wasn't an option....so I put him in today. I explained to him mommy would be back etc. and he started playing happily. The supervisor told me when I picked him up that he was hitting some kids on the head with pom poms so he had to have a talk with her. Ok...had to do the old adoption speech again letting her know that he needs firm boundaries etc.
So....my question is for all you adoptive mamas.....How did you deal with discipline in a group setting with your 3, 4, 5 year old children who were adopted? We discipline and have consequences at home and aren't seeing a whole lot of that behavior (but we are firm) but when he's around similar age children in a group setting with little structure, it is easy for me to see him displaying these behaviors.
In the meanwhile, we talk about it and move on....b/c ultimately....none of these things are harmful. I am thankful God allowed me to go through all the CRAZY behaviors with Spencer when he was little so I can let it go in one ear and out the other now (although I do still stop and process it before it goes out the ear). I do not want to make excuses for any of my kids but ultimately we are all imperfect people. We all make poor choices from time to time and we need guidance to stay on track.....
Until the next lesson...
Blessings and Much Love,
Melanie
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