I'm not sure how to start this post except to say that at the beginning of our adoption journey, Trevis and I knew we'd adopt an older child...In the adoption world...any child over 12 months is considered "older". Since we had an 11 & 9 year old at the time, going all the way back to 4 was a little intimidating....We didn't know if it would be through foster care or domestic or international, but the ages of 4 & 2 kept sticking in my mind....
While we were doing our adoption online training and our extensive workbook that our agency has you complete as part of your education requirements, I began to let fear creep in. I was all about a 4 year old until I began reading/learning about all the things that can go wrong/disrupt attachment. Many of the symptoms of these disorders were very similar to many of the things we have been through with our oldest son with him being on the autism spectrum (Asperger Syndrome). I did know that God was in control though and I wanted desperately to trust Him.
So, when we got our referral call and she told me the child she was about to talk to us about was on the upper end of our age parameter, I knew God wanted me to get past those fears. I knew Justus Derero was the ONE God had for our family. He turned 4 five days after our referral call.....My brain began to churn....think Melanie....what books do 4 year olds like, what toys do they play with etc.....My social worker quickly told me to think "2-year-old initially" for social and emotional, so I did.....
Now, that we've been home 5 1/2 weeks, I can tell you...adopting an older child is AWESOME!! Is it hard at the beginning? yes....Does your life change? yes....but is it worth it? I'd do it again in a heartbeat with no hesitation. Things here are beginning to normalize and stabilize. I was thinking....do most of us really like change? The answer for me is no....I might want things to look different or be different, but there's always a cost that goes into that..some type of sacrifice or "dying to self". I have experienced that many times over the past five weeks, but I LOVE my boy and wouldn't trade it for the world!!
Here are some things that are great about adopting a four year old & having a four year old again:
With Much Love,
While we were doing our adoption online training and our extensive workbook that our agency has you complete as part of your education requirements, I began to let fear creep in. I was all about a 4 year old until I began reading/learning about all the things that can go wrong/disrupt attachment. Many of the symptoms of these disorders were very similar to many of the things we have been through with our oldest son with him being on the autism spectrum (Asperger Syndrome). I did know that God was in control though and I wanted desperately to trust Him.
So, when we got our referral call and she told me the child she was about to talk to us about was on the upper end of our age parameter, I knew God wanted me to get past those fears. I knew Justus Derero was the ONE God had for our family. He turned 4 five days after our referral call.....My brain began to churn....think Melanie....what books do 4 year olds like, what toys do they play with etc.....My social worker quickly told me to think "2-year-old initially" for social and emotional, so I did.....
Now, that we've been home 5 1/2 weeks, I can tell you...adopting an older child is AWESOME!! Is it hard at the beginning? yes....Does your life change? yes....but is it worth it? I'd do it again in a heartbeat with no hesitation. Things here are beginning to normalize and stabilize. I was thinking....do most of us really like change? The answer for me is no....I might want things to look different or be different, but there's always a cost that goes into that..some type of sacrifice or "dying to self". I have experienced that many times over the past five weeks, but I LOVE my boy and wouldn't trade it for the world!!
Here are some things that are great about adopting a four year old & having a four year old again:
- BIG HUGS!
- Random "I luv oos" throughout the day.
- They love to say your name in their sweet accent.
- They get excited about everything
- Watching rain come down on a dreary day is entertaining
- They are sponges and are ready to learn anything
- They can learn the language very quickly.
- Justus remembers how he got here....mommy, daddy, Derero airplane
- He's already potty trained.
- He can undress himself independently.
- They can learn how to operate every electronic in your house in less than 24 hours....(It took me a lot longer to learn. haha)
- It stretches your older children.
- It deepens your love for one another.
- I look into his sweet face as I rock him for nap and we sing "Jesus Loves Me" (I love his accent).
- He can dance and has crazy rhythm.
- They can act out how they feel or point to what they want.
- They miss you if you're gone.
- They run to you when you return.
- They like to spend time with you.
- They LOVE you!
There are so many children waiting for a mommy and a daddy....Oh how my heart hurts when I think of all the kids we left behind....Being a part of a family is so important and I'm so thankful Justus is a part of our family....If God is moving on your heart to adopt an older child.....pray about it and go for it! God will equip you for any challenges you might face.
Psalms 68:6a
God sets the lonely in families.
With Much Love,
Thank you for this post, Melanie. So encouraging! We haven't started our adoption journey just yet.. but when we do, we're leaning toward older, as well.
ReplyDeleteSo precious!! Love that ya'll followed God's call to your precious 4 year old!!!
ReplyDeleteHow did you know Joe and I were praying about this today? The Lord knew I needed to hear your experience today :) THANK YOU!
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