Peering Out the Window

Friday was the last day of school. As I walked up the hall to my son's classroom, he was waiting....watching for me to come-one foot in the classroom and the other foot in the hall. He smiled really big and I knew that meant he was relieved. Then, he played it cool. I talked to his teacher for a little while, thanked her for a great year, and headed out the door with my new middle schooler. Prior to going Friday morning, he asked me at least 3 times for the plan--play by play of the morning. I told him I was going to take him to school, drop him off for his party (parents weren't helping out with this one), and I was going to my school. I'd come back and pick him up at 8:45. Then, I'd take him back to school with me. That way, I could say "good-bye" to my students.....

When I was talking to Spencer's teacher, I noticed all the kids talking loudly. She had to turn the lights off like teachers do and they quieted quickly. They turned back to one another resuming quiet conversations as if they hadn't missed a beat. I mean after all, it was about to be summer!! I asked Spencer what he had been doing wondering if he actually had someone to talk to. He said, I was standing in the window watching and waiting for you....

Still typing that brings a tear to my eye.....For those who don't know, Spencer has Asperger Syndrome (on the austism spectrum) and despite his efforts of wanting to "fit in" and have friends, it doesn't work that way. There are so many unwritten rules at school. Bantering in conversation doesn't come natural....Doing Harry Potter trivia, playing chess, talking about specific topics uninterrupted....that's more like it.

Thursday night was really rough. That is actually the understatement of the year. We went to flag football to get jerseys and meet the coach. When we arrived...the child Spencer really hoped was on his team was NOT. He bolted to the van (another normal "flight" response for kids who have Asperger's). He said he felt betrayed and he wasn't going to play. We tried explaining that there were other kids he knew on the team, but he insisted that none of them were a "friend" to him. He had a full-fledged meltdown that resulted in many tears. Now that he is 11, he is aware that he is socially awkward and doesn't have friends in the neighborhood. While academically and physically he is a 5th grader, many of his interests and the things he thinks are funny are more of a 2nd grade level. He gave me a laundry list of all the things that make him different. My heart broke. Why can't he have any friends? Isn't there some child that can "get" him, overlook his quirky behaviors, and just accept him? There's got to be one. The thing that gets Spencer in trouble is his impulsivity. He says things out loud that we only think in our head. The good thing about that is we always know what he is thinking. The bad thing about that is sometimes we don't want to know.

I was reassured that he is going to need me this upcoming school year. He needs ME to be stressed less, available more, and reading the next book of how to relate and advocate for pre-teens with Aspergers.

Oh how this mama's heart hurts for him. He said he will give flag football practice a try now. Pray that practice goes well and that at least one boy is genuinely nice to him. Please pray for a good friend for him in middle school.Trevis, Natalie, and I try, but we don't take the place of a boy laughing hysterically about expelled gas, you know?

We are all a little broken. We are all trying to fit in somewhere or another. I hope in dealing with this I can love a little more and reach out to someone--be a friend.

With much love,

p.s. I asked Spencer's permission to share.:-)