The first question I get asked most often is, "How is Justus Derero doing?" The next question is, "How are the big kids doing?"
I am going to attempt to answer that while being sensitive to them as well.....It has been a HUGE transition for all of us. I read the literature, blogs, talked to people, etc. etc...but that really doesn't prepare you for the reality of adding another child to your family no matter how big the blessing.....
At first, they were enamored with him....The first 24 hours, they thought he was "cute" and were eager to show him his room and around the house....After the 24 hours was up, they were not so much feeling things were "cute". They started being irrirated. It is difficult for a 10 and 12 year old to grasp that their little brother did not have any possessions of his own, so he doesn't understand the concept of "mine" or "my room". I have really tried to help them implement "positive" language with him...For instance...instead of saying, "No, don't touch that!" saying, "Those are scissors. They go in this drawer." (and then show him the drawer). They are beginning to learn that instead of yanking things out of his hand or hollaring, it is much more productive to say, "go give that to mama" or "put that _____".
They miss our old way of life. They are only 2 years apart so they have almost always had each other. They read the same books, watch the same shows etc....They are not very forgiving right now when little brother comes busting in the living room hollaring at the top of his lungs about his newest accomplishment or wanting mama and daddy to look at something.....
We did have a good night all together last night. That has by far been our biggest struggle, b/c everybody wants Daddy's attention when he gets home. So, we are going to have to be proactive in planning "dates" or locked time in room to spend time with Daddy for the 2 big kids.
Derero's tantruming is beginning to decrease at night too so that is alleviating some stress for everyone including Natalie and Spencer.
Spencer does still have Asperger Sydrome, so he is still sensitive to loud sounds, his routine being disrupted, etc. and will still have outbursts which can sometimes exacerbate whatever is already going on.
Yesterday, I took Natalie back to horseback lessons. She hadn't been in about 8 weeks so I figured it was time to get back into a "normal" routine for her. It was just her and I. I think we both needed that. She had a wonderful lesson and I just LOVE her dressage (horseback) teacher. She is positive and upbeat and ended the lesson telling her every skill she did well that day. :-) We adore her pony and were thrilled that she was still at the barn.
It is hard for the kids too b/c everyone always asks them about their little brother and they would like to just carry on as normal and have normal conversations about school, books, birthdays etc...just like a child would if I brought home a newborn baby.
They are growing. We are all growing. It is stretching us. Some days it is WAY uncomfortable, but some days when I see Spencer and Justus Derero dancing to "Who let the dogs out?" or Natalie reading "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" it truly melts my heart......
I love each of them so much....Sometimes growing hurts, but we'll all be stronger for it and we've learned a new dependence on God and each other in the process.....I am thankful to grow though.....
Well, gotta run...Natalie is having a spend the night tomorrow night for her birthday.....Gotta lot to get done in a little time....
With Much Love,
I am going to attempt to answer that while being sensitive to them as well.....It has been a HUGE transition for all of us. I read the literature, blogs, talked to people, etc. etc...but that really doesn't prepare you for the reality of adding another child to your family no matter how big the blessing.....
At first, they were enamored with him....The first 24 hours, they thought he was "cute" and were eager to show him his room and around the house....After the 24 hours was up, they were not so much feeling things were "cute". They started being irrirated. It is difficult for a 10 and 12 year old to grasp that their little brother did not have any possessions of his own, so he doesn't understand the concept of "mine" or "my room". I have really tried to help them implement "positive" language with him...For instance...instead of saying, "No, don't touch that!" saying, "Those are scissors. They go in this drawer." (and then show him the drawer). They are beginning to learn that instead of yanking things out of his hand or hollaring, it is much more productive to say, "go give that to mama" or "put that _____".
They miss our old way of life. They are only 2 years apart so they have almost always had each other. They read the same books, watch the same shows etc....They are not very forgiving right now when little brother comes busting in the living room hollaring at the top of his lungs about his newest accomplishment or wanting mama and daddy to look at something.....
We did have a good night all together last night. That has by far been our biggest struggle, b/c everybody wants Daddy's attention when he gets home. So, we are going to have to be proactive in planning "dates" or locked time in room to spend time with Daddy for the 2 big kids.
Derero's tantruming is beginning to decrease at night too so that is alleviating some stress for everyone including Natalie and Spencer.
Spencer does still have Asperger Sydrome, so he is still sensitive to loud sounds, his routine being disrupted, etc. and will still have outbursts which can sometimes exacerbate whatever is already going on.
Yesterday, I took Natalie back to horseback lessons. She hadn't been in about 8 weeks so I figured it was time to get back into a "normal" routine for her. It was just her and I. I think we both needed that. She had a wonderful lesson and I just LOVE her dressage (horseback) teacher. She is positive and upbeat and ended the lesson telling her every skill she did well that day. :-) We adore her pony and were thrilled that she was still at the barn.
It is hard for the kids too b/c everyone always asks them about their little brother and they would like to just carry on as normal and have normal conversations about school, books, birthdays etc...just like a child would if I brought home a newborn baby.
They are growing. We are all growing. It is stretching us. Some days it is WAY uncomfortable, but some days when I see Spencer and Justus Derero dancing to "Who let the dogs out?" or Natalie reading "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" it truly melts my heart......
I love each of them so much....Sometimes growing hurts, but we'll all be stronger for it and we've learned a new dependence on God and each other in the process.....I am thankful to grow though.....
Well, gotta run...Natalie is having a spend the night tomorrow night for her birthday.....Gotta lot to get done in a little time....
With Much Love,
I found your blog through another blog and just had to comment on this post. We have been home with our two children for almost two months now and I can so relate to what you say. While there is SO much JOY in having your child(ren) home it also is a time of major adjustment for all! It takes time to find a new kind of normal and I hope your first few weeks continue to go well.
ReplyDeleteTotally with you, Melanie, on the growing thing...it does hurt, sometimes, but we know the end resolute is worth the pains!! Rejoice in know who is growing you and that it is for His purposes and glory!!
ReplyDelete(We are taking orders for the colored "got love?" shirts if you are still interested. :)